Bloody Passwords

27th May 2019 — 13 Comments

Few words fill me with more dread than, “Please enter your username and password.”

Like many of you, I have my computer set to remember all of login credentials, so why is it when I get the occasional request to re-enter the username and password details, I draw a blank? Far too many times, I enter the information I think is correct, only to get that annoying red text: “Your username and password is incorrect. Please try again.  My password-protected life is making me paranoid.

KeepassX

I hadn’t used my computer for ages and when using what I thought was the ‘correct’ password I invariably got it wrong. Not to worry. The password reminder KeepassX would help me out. Not. Passwords used to make sense when I used the same one for umpteen sites. but Young John, the family computer expert, explained the error of my ways. Now they are all different and sometimes resemble a shopping list crossed with an animal safari in the North of England: Orange.easy peeler.castle.goat10

 

PASSWORD PROBLEMS


COMPUTER: Please enter your new password.
ME: cabbage
COMPUTER: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.
ME: boiled cabbage
COMPUTER: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
ME: 1 boiled cabbage
COMPUTER: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
ME: 50bloodyboiledcabbages
COMPUTER: Sorry, the password must contain at least one uppercase character.
ME: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages
COMPUTER: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one uppercase character consecutively.
ME: 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesYouStupidIdiotGiveMeAccessNow!
COMPUTER: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
ME: IWillHuntYouDown50BloodyBoiledCabbagesYouStupidIdiotGiveMeAccessNow
COMPUTERSorry, that password is already in use.

When I inevitably get my password wrong, and the KeepassX reminder fails to work, that glaring red error message can be infuriating. When it happens, I know I likely have a limited number of attempts before I’m locked out, so often I’ll click the link that reads, ‘forgot my password.’ But in the minutes that pass as I wait for an email to reset my account, anger begins to build. The only thing I can compare this feeling to is when my blogposts are ignored or I can’t find my glasses. Am I alone in this log-in fueled fury? Is there such a thing as ‘password rage?’

Bad for Me?

Okay, okay. I know for somebody like me this can be detrimental to my overall health and well-being. Dave tells me that the best thing I can do in this situation is leave the computer and go and make a coffee for Mrs. John. Easier said than done. My inclination is to move closer the problem and try to resolve it.

All of this anger is pretty bad for the body. As testosterone gets pumping, blood pressure increases and the brain generates a flurry of negative emotions. With every angry outburst, the risk of stroke, aneurysm, or heart attack creeps upward. So what can I do? Experience with my phone thumbprint doesn’t work efficiently and is a waste of time. I know. I’ll take a leaf out of Mrs John’s book and make a note my passwords on a piece of paper. Cracked it! Now for that well-earned cup of coffee.

This has been a metal detector-free zone.

John

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13 responses to Bloody Passwords

  1. oh john.that made me laugh so much

  2. welcome to my world John!

  3. The unnecessary evil caused by folks with evil intentions. No matter how clever I get in devising a new password, I invariably forget it and end up cursing the whole exercise. I have come up with a way of encrypting passwords in a way I can easily remember and then save the encryption on my calendar. This way if I have forgotten one, I can search it and decrypt the encryption…well, you get one what I’m saying eh?

  4. Is that easier than making note on a piece of paper, Phil?
    Sounds ultra-complicated to me!

  5. Send me your PIN number John and I will sort this out for you!!

  6. I too have a book, right beside my computer, that has the site[s], and the passwords.. My son uses some complex logarithmic, analog, weird program to ferret out his passwords too,

    I like mine.. simple, easy and no one can hack them and find them on a so called , secure site..

    Thank you for the chuckles John.. a much needed uplift to my day!!!

    Micheal

  7. Ray Swinnerton 28th May 2019 at 12:00 AM

    John is a member of the Australian Metal Detecting and Relic Hunting forum. Recenty our new site owner changed the group to Tappatalk. ( should read bloody TT )
    The new group tells us that we can use the same passwords and user names. It has locked me out and says the User name is in use or password wrong. I tried changing the password but it will not accept their own new password ( wrong Pwd)
    I never let Norton or other groups look after my passwords and, like John, i have them written down.
    I wonder if John has tried to log in lately ?

  8. I totally agree with you, John. Silly thing is, if you forget it, they will send it to you in an email. So if you have hacked my email, you can get all my passwords sent to you. The other thing that annoys me is the fact that every man and his dog wants a password. Just imagine being out shopping and every shop expected to be given a password before you were allowed in.

  9. Made me laugh too … well said that man!

  10. John from Ontario (AKA Geobound) 11th June 2019 at 4:35 AM

    John this has got to be one of my all time favourite posts of yours!! Hahahahaha………

    I think it was this line here that did it for me………

    ME: 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesYouStupidIdiotGiveMeAccessNow!
    COMPUTER: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.

    Classic!

    If you will recall when I came to visit in 2017 I had the same problem with my passwords, but the problem was greater still as my devices noticed that I was logging in from a different country, and wouldn’t allow me access until I used a home device!

    How the heck do you use a home device, when you are 5700 km’s away from home??

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